As a four-year, over-worked and under appreciated associate of the only grocery store where, "shopping is a pleasure," I feel compelled to inform the general public (considering all of you shop for groceries at some point in your lives) of the seven things that customers do, say, or ask that drive us (or at least my self) absolutely crazy...
1. "Do you work here?"
This is when I feel like saying, "No, I just felt like wearing a vibrant lime green vest and bow tie to match the other 10 cashiers today... I don't actually work here, just like the color."
Seriously?
2. People who ask where things are when they are clearly labeled.
I recently encountered a situation where I was on a 30 minute break, on the cellphone, and down the tampon isle when a man literally ran up to me frantically asking where rice was. I was thinking, "this guy really couldn't find anyone else to ask?" Instead I pointed to the sign right above his head labeling the next isle over "RICE"
3. "Are you open?"
If my light is off, my closed sign is out, or I have a drawer full of money sitting on the counter that I am organizing to take to the office, (or any combination of the three) I am closed. duh.
If my light is on, and there are people standing in line, and I am ringing up groceries, I am open. In this case it is unnecessary to yell over a line of people to ask the cashier if she is open!
4. People who complain about things I can't change.
For example, the store is too cold, how bad the music is, things have been moved around, the line is too long, the customer in front of them has more than 10 items in the express lane, the screaming child on isle 13, it's storming outside... I could go on for days.
5. Selective Readers
This includes customers who decide they can't read when they come into the clearly labeled 10 items or fewer line with two carts full of groceries. Or those people who think that a coupon that says $5 off a purchase of $50 or more qualifies for their $20 purchase.
My personal favorite is , "Well, the sign said it was on sale..." Do you seriously think I'm just going to take your word for it? So every time I hear that one, I do the routine... I have the customer walk me to the sign, and then I read to them what the sign says... often times clearing up the misconception that just because there is a sign in front of the green beans that says buy one get one free, doesn't mean the WHOLE isle is buy one get one free. Learn to READ!
6. People who treat me like I'm an idiot but can't even speak proper English, or the language at all.
These customers are the most amusing of the bunch. Just because I might have a lousy job at the moment doesn't mean that your grammatically incorrectly speaking, double negative using, redundant self is better than me just because you're on the other side of the counter. I find pride in using my extravagant vocabulary at these times, just to be malicious ;-)
7. Men who try to "pick-up" dates while checking-out at the grocery line.
In fact, the other night an older man asked me if I was, "Miss Publix" and if he could pick me up after work. Some men find it necessary to pick up magazines off of the stands to show me the cover girl of a Sports Illustrated, and tell me I look like her... ( on this particular occasion it was Beyonce). The older men are really funny, especially with their beer in one hand, and Depends in the other; with an almost creepy smile, I've been asked if I'd like to come to his place and have a drink or two. Are you kidding me?!?
I also find it prudent to inform all readers that with any opportunity to talk to the nearest associate (whether it be break, closing, or just slow-time) we DO talk about the craziest customers, and the foolishly irritating things they do, and make fun. So if you ever find yourself tempted to get angry because your tomatoes rang up 50 cents more than you thought they should, or you think your Oreo's are Buy One Get One Free and they aren't, or maybe you just think your cashier is hott, hold your tongue... because 50 cents really doesn't matter (it just makes us want to throw two quarters at you), and you really don't need an extra box of Oreo's while your dieting, and your cashier is probably under age or completely grossed out by you.
:-)
