Intimately Attuned

Many thoughts have permeated my mind as of lately as I get comfortable with this new chapter of my life. So many thoughts in fact, that I haven’t been able to place them into words on a page- today everything just came out.

So many things have changed about me in the past few months, and for the better. I am becoming the true me, as strange as that sounds. Never have I been able to let go of the uncontrollable longing to fulfill the specific qualities that society or just a singular person requires of me, up until now.

What is most precious is that when I look into the eyes of the man that I love, and grow to love more every day, I see myself there. He has taught me through trust that I can share my mind, my self, my soul, my everything, honestly without having to be anything else other than genuine.

There are no words to express the comfort of feeling safe with a person. For the first time, I never have to weigh my thoughts or measure my words. In contrast, I pour them all out, filterless, just as they are, clumps of sandy gold mixed together. In him I can confide, trusting his faithful hand to sift, to keep what is worth keeping, and to blow away the rest of the sand with a breath of loving kindness.

He is the only one who has ever brought light into the dark places of my inner most being, allowing me to uncover the truth and discover my own authentic nature as a human being in his company. He will never throw me away for communicating my feelings, my hurts, even my secrets. I am learning to fearlessly and freely express everything through my words while walls of fear from past experiences fall every time I engage in intimate communication with the man I trust most.

I’ve placed my shaking, scared hand in his firm and faithful hand, and for a time I may have been scared- but now I live with the freedom of transparency; that his eyes can look deep into my soul and love me all the same, even in the midst of new revelations and questions. He is my irreplaceable commitment, and he is love to me.

I know what we have is indeed love because it calls on us to be one mind; to make inevitable conflict and even personal pain resources for even deeper intimacy. This journey toward enduring love is backed by a foundation of safety and security, a source of comfort, care and protection, and it is rooted deeper every day. Life without intimacy with him, is impossible.